Good communication is vital in every aspect of life and relationships. Through life’s experiences you soon realize that a breakdown in communications can wreak havoc on relationships at home, at work or even at church. One of the first training sessions I sat in during my Biblical Counseling training was called the 4 Rules of Communication. These can apply to any relationship you may be involved in. They are excellent principles for preventing and solving problems.
1. Be Honest. Don’t just put off lying, but replace it with telling the truth. Problems can’t be solved unless they are expressed, and this needs to be done truthfully, not evading or manipulating the facts. You don’t just vent to get it off your chest, but speak truthfully using Biblical principles to solve the problem. Some examples of dishonesty are outright deceit, exaggerating and embellishing the truth. Speaking one thing, but with the tone of your voice and your body language, it is quite clear you may be saying something completely different.
2. Keep Current. Don’t drag up old problems and sticky situations. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, in other words…keep short accounts. It may mean some late nights! While lying is a sin, anger may not be. Jesus was angry, but never because of any unfairness done to Him, only when injustice was shown to other people. Anger may be energy used to solve a problem, but it is sinful when it is used to attack others. Don’t be known as someone who “has a short fuse” or the reputation of someone you have to “handle with kid gloves.” Don’t clam up or blow up. Deal with the problems today, tomorrow will have enough of its own.
3. Attack the Problem not the Person. Avoid or put off corrupt communication, or words that attack a person’s character, words that tear or rip apart. Don’t be known as having a “black belt in verbal karate.” Put on, wholesome communication…words that edify, build up, produce understanding and solves problems. Use words that are solution orientated, that deal with facts not motives.
4. Act, don’t React. Reactions are attitudes and actions such as bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander and malice must be put off. We have the natural tendency to be defensive about dealing with our own sins and often try to shift the blame. Conflicts happen when people react. The actions and attitudes we must put on to replace the reactions are kindness, tenderheartedness and forgiveness.
Changing habits is not easy, but it can be done through God’s grace, practice and diligence. We can’t change the other person but we can change how we communicate. No matter how irresponsible the other person is, we must act biblically! We are responsible for our own actions. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32
